Tuesday, March 19, 2013

A Christmas Baby

I never wanted to have a baby born around Christmas.  I don't why.  Maybe lots of people feel that way just because of the hecticness of the holiday and not wanting the birthday celebration to get lost in the shuffle. Maybe it was from having a Mom with a late December birthday who often talked about feeling short-changed with a birthday that time of year.  I don't why-  but in all my dreaming and scheming in my head I have always avoided the possibility of a December baby.

Until infertility.  and miscarriages.  and life in the detours.

We have scheduled our FET.  We actually scheduled, cancelled and scheduled it again.  The first time the husband got cold feet.  We pulled back and he quickly came around and so we scheduled it again.  I knew in the back of my head that we'd be looking at a due date in late December-  but the priority was a) finding a day the lab had an opening, b) making sure it worked with my work schedule, the husbands work schedule, and arranging childcare. for our now 16 1/2 month old daughter.  And, I just am done being patient.  I want to try our luck with our Frozens and see what happens.  I was done waiting any longer.  I want, and NEED to know if we will ever have a second child.

Our transfer date is set.  Been cleared through all the steps.  Been taking lupron/birthcontrol.  Everything looked great at my suppression check yesterday.  A couple more weeks of prepping my lining, two more visits to the clinic for blood work and another u/s.  And it will be transfer day.

There is a hope, and a joy, and an excitement that is just bubbling in me that I  can't contain.  Maybe it is the relief that comes with actually DOING something-  sure, that something is nightly injections.  But we have a plan in place.  Maybe it comes from ill-placed confidence that the 1st time worked, surely the 2nd try will work. I don't know why the hope, but it is there.  And I just am excited.

There, as always, are so many hurdles between now and bringing a baby home that, even after doing this previously, I can't wrap my head around the end point yet.  We have no control over how this will go. None.

But what I do know?  What is certain, is that if, IF, this embryo sticks and thrives, its due date will be ......December 25th.

And in my mind, it couldn't be a more perfect day.  Oh, how infertility changes us.