Wednesday, October 29, 2014


It was negative.

We are done.

More thoughts when I have the energy to face this.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The wait

The wait has gone pretty fast, which I am not too surprised.  Between chasing an almost 3 year old, working full-time and my husband ending up in the hospital unexpectedly, it has been a whirlwind.  I also planned ahead and orchestrated it all so that a girl's weekend away I planned with 10 other mom friends fell this past weekend which also helped pass the time.

Tomorrow is my quantitative hcg blood draw.  I have not peed on a stick yet.  I have learned my lesson that it really just messes with my head.  I am planning to do a home test though tomorrow morning before going for my blood draw-  just to prepare me.  Tomorrow is 9dp5dt, so based on my experiences with our fresh IVF#1 and FET #1 I am pretty confident tomorrow's peestick will give me info.

In the symptom department I absolutely feel pregnant.  I know enough though to know that the estrogen and progesterone can exactly mimic these symptoms.  I have felt nauseous (exactly like I did when pregnant with my daughter), ravenously hungry, moody, extra sensitive, sometimes bloated.  Of course, non of this means much due to the cocktail of hormones I am on, but in the meantime it plays with my head.

The hard part about tomorrow is that in the world of infertility there really are only two answers tomorrow-  it is either No, you are not pregnant or Maybe you are pregnant-  meaning pregnant at the moment, but wait and see.  Grrr.. So much waiting.

Today I feel pretty calm.  I am glad there is only one more sleep before finding out how this part of our story will go.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Back home.

Our embryo has come back home.  Today was the transfer.  Our last frozen embryo was thawed.  And it survived.  And it is back in me.  Home.

It wasn't until I had dropped my daughter off at preschool today that it became real for me that today was the day.  And I began to get anxious.  Through this process (and the FET cycle is SOOO much easier) I haven't worried about anything along the way.  Until today-  our transfer was at 130pm and it wasn't until 930am today that I remembered that it still had to survive the thaw.  I was very relieved when the embryologist came back in the room.  At least I only remembered a handful of hours in advance, so at least I didn't fret the whole cycle.

Today was much like our last frozen embryo transfer.  It was easy.  It was quick.  It was actually kind of fun.  It just is such an awe-some event.  To see it on the screen.  To know that it was conceived in the same batch as our now almost three year old spit-fire of a daughter.  And it is amazing how much love I feel for this embryo.  Even moreso this time, than last, I felt a connectedness on a soul level to this 5 day old bundle of cells.

Now we wait.  9 days.  I really really hope this last hurrah goes the way I want it to.