January 6, 2009
So I write… cuz I don’t know what else to do.
That is what I want this year. I do not have the energy to keep hoping. I do not have the energy to ask for more hope. I ask only for peace.
I don’t know what hope looks like. Or feels like. Or even means. But I know peace. That is what I ask. That you I might soften and open and have peace stir up in me- peace.
Peace that I am worthy of all good that comes my way in the universe. Peace that it will not always look how I want it to. peace to know that that in itself is a good thing. Peace in knowing I am not a failure. Peace in knowing that I can be content with however my life looks.
But, oh, how I doubt...
But there is not other option- cuz I don’t like living how I am right now-
I need to stop wrestling