January 6, 2009
So I write… cuz I don’t know what else to do.
Peace.
That is what I want this year.  I do not have the energy to keep hoping.  I do not have the energy to ask for more hope.  I ask only for peace.  
I don’t know what hope looks like.  Or feels like.  Or even means.  But I know peace.  That is what I ask.  That you I might soften and open and have peace stir up in me-  peace.
Peace that I am worthy of all good that comes my way in the universe.  Peace that it will not always look how I want it to.  peace to know that that in itself is a good thing.  Peace in knowing I am not a failure.  Peace in knowing that I can be content with however my life looks.
But, oh, how I doubt...
But there is not other option-  cuz I don’t like living how I am right now-  
I need to stop wrestling

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