Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees.
I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful
- Something Beautiful, Needtobreathe
It was a friend of a friend on FB that made a comment in passing about this band, , and so in my mindless internet surfing, I starting listening to this song. And I haven't been able to stop listening to it all summer.
This is my desire
It really is that simple, isn't it? Life? the infertility journey? If I could truly learn to trust that there will be something beautiful that will come from all of this, wouldn't the burden be a little less to carry?
Even though it is hard at times being on "this side" to read blogs of those on the "other side" I still follow along with blogs of fellow IFers who have their miracles in their arms. And regardless of whether their child is 3 months or 3 years, I am struck by how time and time again, IF moms reflect back on the darkness of their IF years in contrast to the the peace and contentness they now have. And it is authentic they aren't sugar coating things or overlooking how motherhood brings on a new type of difficulties in life. But there is a sense of..of..perhaps healing? There is something beautiful about their spirit.
If I could pray, that would be my prayer. As simple as that- that some day there will be something beautiful that will consume my spirit. I don't even care at this point how it comes to be. Maybe I will never be pregnant, maybe I will never have children at all. Maybe it won't look how I think it will look-
I just pray it is something beautiful.