October is here. October marks the next season of anniversaries for me. Anniversaries of due dates never realized. Our first pregnancy due date was Halloween 2008 and our second pregnancy due date was mid-October 2009.
And now it is 2010. There is a roller coaster of emotions- it is truly hard to comprehend at times, how this much time has passed. We are nearing the three year mark of starting to TTC. That fact makes my heart hurt at the core- heavy with desperation. Three years of TTC no doubt gives us not only the label of recurrent miscarriages but also infertile through and through.
3 years. I can't help but wonder how many more years will pass- empty.
So many what ifs.
So not how I thought this would be.
Trying so hard to be okay with what it is.
It is October once again.