Anger and Avoidance
That is entirely what my week of grief has looked like. I am subtly aware that this go-around I am avoiding feeling the pain of sadness- so instead I have been either bitter and angry or avoiding feeling anything by throwing myself into to-do lists a mile long. I have planned out my life in the coming months within an inch of my life.
But it only helps a bit. And in the end I know I will have to feel the pain. And that just plain ol' sucks.
I hate this.
Oh, I wish i could fast forward, to the days in which this doesn't hurt as much. I want to no longer be angry. I want to have faith that I will feel hope and wholeness again. And that is SO hard to hold on to.
I'm just so sorry. Those raw, early days of grieving are extremely hard and I know it's hard to imagine a day when you might feel whole again.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you.