Which is just the icing on the cake of a long two weeks worth of a bazillion hurdles and barriers to breastfeeding. Where my motivation to stick with it is coming from, is beyond me. I have no idea why I haven't thrown in the towel. I am SO done with this mess in so many ways, but also am devastated by the idea of giving up.
Baby is fighting the breast right now. Pumping volume is dismal. We are barely hanging on.
And the thing that angers me is that the exhaustion and frustration I feel is robbing me of precious minutes with my baby girl. I want to enjoy and revel in every minute I can with her. And instead I am sore, tired, frustrated, and she is confused and fussy.
I don't know what will happen next. I am NOT ready to consider giving this up.
On the positive side- we weighed her today at the midwife clinic just to see how she was doing (she was really slow to gain weight in the first few days) and to my surprise she is now pretty much on track to regaining her birth weight in the two week period they want to see. So, struggle as we might (and we ARE!) at least she is getting what she needs, some how, some way.
I'd much rather be writing her birth story or cuddling her in our new moby wrap rather than venting about breast feeding.
"Breast is best". F&#k that. Why is it so frickin' hard then?