Double Mastitis.
Which is just the icing on the cake of a long two weeks worth of a bazillion hurdles and barriers to breastfeeding. Where my motivation to stick with it is coming from, is beyond me. I have no idea why I haven't thrown in the towel. I am SO done with this mess in so many ways, but also am devastated by the idea of giving up.
Baby is fighting the breast right now. Pumping volume is dismal. We are barely hanging on.
And the thing that angers me is that the exhaustion and frustration I feel is robbing me of precious minutes with my baby girl. I want to enjoy and revel in every minute I can with her. And instead I am sore, tired, frustrated, and she is confused and fussy.
I don't know what will happen next. I am NOT ready to consider giving this up.
On the positive side- we weighed her today at the midwife clinic just to see how she was doing (she was really slow to gain weight in the first few days) and to my surprise she is now pretty much on track to regaining her birth weight in the two week period they want to see. So, struggle as we might (and we ARE!) at least she is getting what she needs, some how, some way.
I'd much rather be writing her birth story or cuddling her in our new moby wrap rather than venting about breast feeding.
"Breast is best". F&#k that. Why is it so frickin' hard then?
Sorry you are in so much pain and struggling with breast feeding. I am sure you will come to a decision that you are comfortable with. I hope it gets easier (and less painful) for you. xx
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your struggles with feeding. Please now you are not alone. I know several women that this has happened to. You can only do so much. Hope it gets better soon.
ReplyDeleteyou are not alone. I have heard from many women..the frustrations...this is my worry. Have patience with yourself. I wish i could give you advice..but I just went to my first class. Ahhh...I wish there was an answer....
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are struggling... breastfeeding is HARD WORK. I fought like crazy for several months to get it figured out with my first son. Did it hamper my enjoyment of his early months? Sadly, yes. But once we had everything worked out, it enhanced our relationship from there. I respect a woman's right to choose not to breastfeed, but personally I am proud of myself for overcoming our challenges and breastfeeding him for 18 months. I will have that forever.
ReplyDeleteIf you are not ready to give up, DON'T. You can work through this. It seems so hard now -- it IS so hard now! -- but it won't always be. And then it will be amazing. Please, seriously girl, email me if you want to talk. I have been there, done that, and lived to tell the tale. :) I can send you my phone number.
Sending you so many hugs. I'm so sorry this is so hard for you. You are not alone. I had the worst time with it as well and gave up way easier than you are. So you are being way strong and doing awesome. Just do what you can do and follow what you think is right. thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteAt my birthing classes, the lactation consultant warned us that the first 6 weeks is the hardest. So I vowed I would stick with it for at least 6 weeks. I too had supply issues, latch issues, cracked-sore-bleeding nipples, and a bout of mastitis. I would literally cry every time she woke up and wanted to be fed. Many times it involved screaming in pain, and my husband would have to break the latch, since I hurt too badly to do anything. I kept a running countdown of how many weeks/days I had left before I could quit. I even miscounted once and thought I had a week less, which was devastating when I realized I still had another week to go!
ReplyDeleteAnd at 5.5 weeks, suddenly... Whoosh! It was no longer a dreaded event every 2 hours. It wasn't perfect. She still had a lazy latch due to her fantastic suction, which lasted until I (finally!) weaned her at almost-age-3. But my nips were inured to her, and we were able to coexist in peace! :)
Hopefully it's doing better by now. But if not, know that you did NOT fail. You tried your best, and you found the best solution possible for you and your family, even if it isn't the one you had originally planned or hoped for.
I'm so eager to hear how things ended up going for you?!?!?! Judah had a hard time in the beginning as well and lost a pound of weight but he is not lacking for weight at all now, thankfully. In fact he's in 9-12M clothing at only 4-months-old. Hope you write again soon!
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