FET #1

I have bad memories from my 1st embryo transfer.  It was a fresh cycle.  I was overstimulated, bloated, in pain, and they couldn't get the cathether thingy thread through a tough angle in my cervix.  It seemed like it too a lifetime.

I was in pain.  I was terrified something was going to go wrong.  I covered my eyes and I wished for it to be over.

Sure there were glimmers of the amazing miracle in the works-  seeing the embryo on the screen- amazing.  My husband by my side, taking it all in in awe, the collective sigh the room took when the embryologist gave the all clear that the embryo was officially in me and not in the syringe- all amazing.

But it was rough.

Today's transfer was down right fun.  And mind boggling quick.

My appointment was at 3pm.  I was to arrive at 245pm.  I go there at 240pm and they had me back, bladder checked by u/s, talk with the embryologist, and legs in the stirrups by 255pm.  By 3pm, the embryo was in and it was done. 

The staff was excellent.  The embryologist answered all kinds of curiosity questions that I was too out of it to ask the first time.  She clearly loved her job.  The u/s tech was great.  My bladder was perfectly full (which no matter how much I drink i have NEVER in all my treatments been able to get my bladder sufficiently full).  The Dr. got the catheter to curve through my tough spot no problem (certainly having previously birthed a 7 pound baby vaginally helped him out).  and they added a heating pad to the table, which made it oh so much more comfortable then last time.

And I was in awe.  To see that embryo on the monitor, that embryo that was conceived in the same batch with the 24 pound wiggly toddler I know get to call my daughter-  it is just insane.

I am in awe.  In awe that a bundle of cells like that created her.  In awe that as I type this we have been given another chance to do it all again.

In awe.

Tonight as I type this, I feel calm.  I feel like I can handle whatever comes my way.  I feel grateful for the gift of those 15 minutes in the embryo transfer room-  to be in the presence of something as amazing as that embryo.  And even to be given the chance.  I feel like I can accept whatever is to come.

I hope.