Sunday was a good day. Monday too. And today it continues. I can't explain why I am feeling positive, and hopeful (and like myself again), any more than i can explain why the dark cloud consumes me for days (weeks!) at times. It feels so unrelated to reality and everyday happenings. But no complaints- I am enjoying breathing again.
Some high points (all these things have fueled my overall feeling of good-ness, or maybe these things are the reason for my lifted spirits?)
- had a great 30 minute work break/walk with a co-worker that is becoming a good friend. two years of infertility, and now two children thru international adoption, she is so honest and real about her journey. And it was a breath of fresh air. Our walking and talking reminded me that so much of the feelings I am experiencing are normal- no matter which road we take to get to parenting (pregnancy or adoption). I don't think she even realized how much I was buoyed up by our chat. M
- i have been encouraged in the blog world by recent iui success stories. And I am feeling positive about trying a few rounds of iui. it won't break the bank (we have no infertility insurance coverage- zilch). and in the end, if we try it in 2009, and it isn't successful, I feel like i will have done what I need to do for me to know we did everything we could do to at least give one more valiant effort. My heart will break, but unless our insurance miraculously adds ivf coverage, its just not something that I feel okay with pursuing. So for today, we have a plan. CD1 should be any day now (tomorrow i think). We can't do the clomid/iui this cycle because we will be out of state, but i am going to call the RE and find out what she thinks of at least trying clomid and our own luck. I haven't decided yet if i will pay to have the HSG. She left that up to me. I don't think I fully understand the purpose of the test?
- I am beyond grateful for a DH that is on the same page with me, and that we are coming to the same decisions in the same time frame. We take our own path in getting there, but in the end i continue to be in awe of the ways our path intertwine. I shared with him my thoughts from the previous paragraph (recent iui successes, feeling hopeful, feeling like I could try a few cycles and then walk away feeling like i had given it my all). i was mostly just thinking out loud, but he looked at me and with confidence said, "let's do it". the way he responded gave me the sense that he had been thinking along this way as well- and talking about it confirmed it for both of us. Grateful.