Tuesday, June 16, 2009

And the goodness continues...

Sunday was a good day. Monday too. And today it continues. I can't explain why I am feeling positive, and hopeful (and like myself again), any more than i can explain why the dark cloud consumes me for days (weeks!) at times. It feels so unrelated to reality and everyday happenings. But no complaints- I am enjoying breathing again.

Some high points (all these things have fueled my overall feeling of good-ness, or maybe these things are the reason for my lifted spirits?)

- had a great 30 minute work break/walk with a co-worker that is becoming a good friend. two years of infertility, and now two children thru international adoption, she is so honest and real about her journey. And it was a breath of fresh air. Our walking and talking reminded me that so much of the feelings I am experiencing are normal- no matter which road we take to get to parenting (pregnancy or adoption). I don't think she even realized how much I was buoyed up by our chat. M

- i have been encouraged in the blog world by recent iui success stories. And I am feeling positive about trying a few rounds of iui. it won't break the bank (we have no infertility insurance coverage- zilch). and in the end, if we try it in 2009, and it isn't successful, I feel like i will have done what I need to do for me to know we did everything we could do to at least give one more valiant effort. My heart will break, but unless our insurance miraculously adds ivf coverage, its just not something that I feel okay with pursuing. So for today, we have a plan. CD1 should be any day now (tomorrow i think). We can't do the clomid/iui this cycle because we will be out of state, but i am going to call the RE and find out what she thinks of at least trying clomid and our own luck. I haven't decided yet if i will pay to have the HSG. She left that up to me. I don't think I fully understand the purpose of the test?

- I am beyond grateful for a DH that is on the same page with me, and that we are coming to the same decisions in the same time frame. We take our own path in getting there, but in the end i continue to be in awe of the ways our path intertwine. I shared with him my thoughts from the previous paragraph (recent iui successes, feeling hopeful, feeling like I could try a few cycles and then walk away feeling like i had given it my all). i was mostly just thinking out loud, but he looked at me and with confidence said, "let's do it". the way he responded gave me the sense that he had been thinking along this way as well- and talking about it confirmed it for both of us. Grateful.


  1. I am happy to hear your spirits are lifted lately. That is always a good feeling.

    That is awesome that you found a friend who has been down "that" road and you two can relate to each other. I wish I had that sometimes.

    The HSG is an x-ray that they do while they push dye through your fallopian tubes. The purpose is to make sure that both tubes are open and clear. If I didn't have insurance, I would not have done the test because the fact that I have been pregnant before tells me that my tubes ARE open. The same would apply to you. There has been cases though where a pregnacy occurs and afterwards the tubes get blocked. The test hurt like living hell and there is a big risk of infection. I think it's just something "they" like to rule out as a rule of thumb. ((Not trying to discourage you from getting the test done.))

    That is great that you are going to RE. We are still with my OB/GYN (boo). I *think* his next plan is to have us take Clomid. I go see him next week and get all my test results back.

  2. I'm so glad to read that you've been seeing better days recently. I hope there will be plenty more! It's great when you have the assurance that you and your spouse are on the same page. Hoping your next steps will be made clear.