Sunday, March 28, 2010

A child meant for me

Do I trust that God has a plan for us? for me? for my future family?

I have no idea.

I know that the "correct" answer as a person of faith is "yes, absolutely." And I know that there have been many paths in my life that have unfolded in ways that have been beyond human understanding (let alone planning). So I have seen this before in life. But, I just can't find that I can connect with this beleif again.

Do I trust that there is a child for me? And that someday I will look that child in the eyes and see the grace of God's timing.

I have no idea.

I know it would be easier if I trusted in that. I know that I would be less filled with angst, if I could just let myself beleive in that.

But I struggle to trust. I struggle to beleive that there is a divine plan in this path to parenthood.

It feels very human, and not very divine. It feels as if I am pushing this path along, but then it also feels like I am unengaged when I do nothing.


  1. Hello, friend. I was just thinking of you this morning.

    These are some very tough questions indeed. From a faith standpoint, I really do believe that God has a plan for each of us (Jeremiah 29:11). I know it's hard because He doesn't often let us in on that plan, and even if He did, we probably wouldn't understand it. We are stuck in the day-to-day struggle, trying to figure out the next step, while He sees the entire picture. That is certainly frustrating from a human standpoint! It's hard to keep trusting when we don't feel like we're seeing any intervention.

    I just want to encourage you to hang in there and find that hope again. I know that not every story ends the same way, but I want you to hold on to your dream if you're not ready to let go of it. I saw this quote the other day and it really meant something to me and where I am right now:
    "Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

    Keeping you in my prayers always.

  2. Oh my...I have been struggling with this very same thought lately. I have always been one of those people who thinks that everything happens for a reason but I've lost that feeling as of late. I'm now in the mode of shit happens and there is no rhyme or reason to anything. I go back and forth with this and it is really bothering me. Not much help, but at least you are not alone!