We IFers talk often about the pain of being left behind. In real life, we feel as if the rest of our friends are moving past us, joining the "club" and we get left in the dust of wondering if it will ever be our turn. Even in blog world, we come into this place, creating a space in our blogs to open ourselves up to connecting with others who know what it feels like to be "left behind" among our IRL friends. But the irony in it is that even here in our IF blog community, for the most part we are all still seeking to be on the other side. And inevitably, some will get there and others won't.
I have been very aware lately of this sense of being left behind in my IRL community. But it hasn't been related to the club of parenthood. Rather, the club of couplehood. I am not sure what has triggered this for me, but if I were to guess, it would be because of a close friend of mine who got divorced last year. She is slowly trying to navigate singlehood again. My heart goes out to her. And it has stirred up in me all the old emotions that I used to feel before meeting DH. Wondering if I would ever marry? Wondering if I would ever be in the couplehood club? I see all this in her and I feel the rawness of that time...not all too different than what I feel now with IF.
As I try to walk alongside her, I am painfully aware that I now am the one in the club, that she is desperately wanting to be in. I am coupled. She is single. When I refer to DH and I as "we", when I post on FB how much I adore DH, when I say anything that talks about what I have, that she doesn't.....I can't help but see the feeling of being left behind written all over her spirit. In my IF journey, I so desperately want others to be careful to not flaunt, intentionally or unknowingly, that they are in "the club". And now I am even more aware,that there is more than one painful "club" in life.