Been nearly three weeks since I last blogged
Time has flown.
The darkness was so thick when I last posted. I was a big surprised by it. I thought that I was prepared for BFN on IUI #3 as I was starting to doubt they would work. I thought I was prepared for whatever the outcome. But man, that was hard.
Today. I don't want to sound cliche, but I am in a whole new place. (Oh, kay, that sounds cheesy, but it is not meant to be). I also am finding renewed energies to focus on non-fertility related parts of my life. Meaning, the things that used to captivate my attention, are interesting and exciting again. For that I am grateful. Maybe it is truly healing, maybe I am just coping with grief by burying myself in project to distract me, but either way, the momentum is great.
Had a hysterscopy done to follow up from my splotchy, inconclusive HSG. Everything looked perfect. (It was pretty cool to see- weird though to realize there is a camera up my woo-ha, and I am watching my insides on a tv monitor before my very eyes.) And I am pretty sure my insurance will cover the cost.
Decided we are done with IUIs and now going to just see what happens on our own. No more doctors for a while. Ah, this is such a releif right now. I can honestly say I actually have NO IDEA what day of my cycle I am on right now. We plan to Save as much money as we can planning for the future. If, after some time (not sure how long, but hoping I'll know when I know) we aren't pregnant, then we will do IVF using hate Shared Risk plan with the big city clinic. DH and I met with the RE a the big city clinic and something must have clicked for DH, because he came out of the appointment, feeling so good about this plan (wait and see, and then IVF). Previously, he was really opposed to IVF- but I think the success rates finally sunk in (60%), compared to what we have been trying (6%)- IUIs with low sperm counts. Big city doc still believes we are just, as he calls it "inefficient reproducers." I got a kick out of that label. I like it actually. It leaves room for hope, while acknowledging that it won't be easy. He doesn't believe there is any rhyme or reason to my miscarriages, and agrees there is no reason (yet) to rush into IVF.
Jobs- Things with my jobs are changing and evolving a mile a minute. I thought I had it all mapped out, but some new possibilities have come my way. this could get very interesting very soon. And one of the scenarios would mean that we would easily be able to save money quickly to afford IVF. It is outside of my control, but the irony of how it came about baffles me. There is a plan, so much bigger than anything I can imagine....