Thursday, February 4, 2010

And so it goes...

Been nearly three weeks since I last blogged

Time has flown.

The darkness was so thick when I last posted. I was a big surprised by it. I thought that I was prepared for BFN on IUI #3 as I was starting to doubt they would work. I thought I was prepared for whatever the outcome. But man, that was hard.

Today. I don't want to sound cliche, but I am in a whole new place. (Oh, kay, that sounds cheesy, but it is not meant to be). I also am finding renewed energies to focus on non-fertility related parts of my life. Meaning, the things that used to captivate my attention, are interesting and exciting again. For that I am grateful. Maybe it is truly healing, maybe I am just coping with grief by burying myself in project to distract me, but either way, the momentum is great.

Significant items

Had a hysterscopy done to follow up from my splotchy, inconclusive HSG. Everything looked perfect. (It was pretty cool to see- weird though to realize there is a camera up my woo-ha, and I am watching my insides on a tv monitor before my very eyes.) And I am pretty sure my insurance will cover the cost.

Decided we are done with IUIs and now going to just see what happens on our own. No more doctors for a while. Ah, this is such a releif right now. I can honestly say I actually have NO IDEA what day of my cycle I am on right now. We plan to Save as much money as we can planning for the future. If, after some time (not sure how long, but hoping I'll know when I know) we aren't pregnant, then we will do IVF using hate Shared Risk plan with the big city clinic. DH and I met with the RE a the big city clinic and something must have clicked for DH, because he came out of the appointment, feeling so good about this plan (wait and see, and then IVF). Previously, he was really opposed to IVF- but I think the success rates finally sunk in (60%), compared to what we have been trying (6%)- IUIs with low sperm counts. Big city doc still believes we are just, as he calls it "inefficient reproducers." I got a kick out of that label. I like it actually. It leaves room for hope, while acknowledging that it won't be easy. He doesn't believe there is any rhyme or reason to my miscarriages, and agrees there is no reason (yet) to rush into IVF.

Jobs- Things with my jobs are changing and evolving a mile a minute. I thought I had it all mapped out, but some new possibilities have come my way. this could get very interesting very soon. And one of the scenarios would mean that we would easily be able to save money quickly to afford IVF. It is outside of my control, but the irony of how it came about baffles me. There is a plan, so much bigger than anything I can imagine....


  1. Love those reprieves as short as they can be.

    It sounds like you have made a major decision in your TTC journey. So, I am sure that is a lot of stress off your back!!

    Sounds like a good plan! I wish you lots of luck and I hope as always you don't make it to that IVF.

    Hang in there. ((Hugs))

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  3. So HAPPY that you are in a much better place. Doesn't it feel good ? I'm so happy you got some answers and now have clarity...the rest will evolve when you are ready. Take this time to be good to yourself and enjoy your hubby. I reached this place not so long ago, as I was tired of being tired and knew I needed to reclaim my life. Things are much better since I reached his place.


  4. Asha, I certainly miss you when you're not blogging! I sincerely hope you will enjoy this break from doctors and procedures and cycle days, and spend some really good time doing those things that make your heart happy. I don't think being in a whole new place sounds at all cliche. It sounds refreshing! That's exactly what I hope it will be for you.

    Still hoping with you and praying for you.

  5. Glad to hear you are doing okay and are in a better place xxx