Sunday, December 26, 2010

Mind dump

Excuse me as I just dump the contents of my brain in my blog: (Don't expect anything logical or intelligible)

- Patiently waiting for AF to finally come; Been spotting for four days. Ready to get this show on the road and nervous as heck all at the same time.

- Sinus headache has me feeling like I've been run over by a truck. Been hanging out with my laptop in bed all day doing nothin'.

- I'm cranky, just plain unexplainably cranky. Well, it is most likely PMS brand crankiness. So, I am just letting it be what it is today- and trying to ride out this crankiness, knowing this too will pass.

-Been mindlessly searching the internet, here is a sampling of some googling I have done: "IVF without lupron","maternity clothes","jelly belly new flavors," "IVF with large endometrioma", "living room end table".

- Been preoccupied with worrying about whether or not my "painful attack" will come again this cycle. If it follows the past two cycle's pattern, it will come anytime now. Been taking ibuprofen regularly this week trying to help prevent it or at least take the edge off if it does happen again. Oh I hope I can avoid that pain again....

- The end of 2010 is fast approaching. A reflection on 2010 deserves a post in an of it self, but January 1st will mark the three year anniversary of our TTC. I am so glad we are in active forward motion right now, working with an RE, otherwise I think that anniversary would bring pretty deep despair. Actively "doing" something helps to stimulate hope. I've have also found myself thinking about the fact that in our three years of TTC, this is the first year in which we did not experience a miscarriage. Granted, that means we also were not successful in getting pregnant, but I am (in a small way) grateful to have had a break this year from everything miscarriage. It has been much needed for healing.

- The Christmas holiday was nice, busy and quiet all at the same time. I think every other sentence started with "Next year maybe bambino will be with us doing this,", "This might be the last christmas just the two of us", and so on and so on. While I enjoyed it immensely at first, I started to get a little freaked out that we were jinxing ourselves. I know it is not logical fear.

1 comment:

  1. I hope that af shows her face already so you can move on and get to the next cycle. I hope your painful attack will not come this cycle and you can have a smooth one. I hope your 2011 is a great one.