And here we are today

The story of us- from the beginning when we first met.

2000 Met DH at church and became good friends. Both of us had recently had our hearts broken in a serious relationship and found our friendship to be a breath of fresh air.

2001 Me- dated a couple of guys, nothing too serious. DH- dated here and there with one girlfriend on again/off again. Shared our dating woes over coffee every once in a while. Met his pre-teen daughter and son and hung out with them.

2002 December- DH invited me (as a friend) to a fundraiser. Somehow the night started to feel like a date. The plot thickens-

2003 Spring- DH and I go away to a mountain lodge with our friends. It starts to feel more serious. After coming home we start having the "defining the relationship" conversations (many many of them). Shortly there after we talk about having kids. DHs eyes almost roll out of his head and passes out, but we keep talking.

2004 Summer- after a year of talking, planning, pre-marital counseling, we get engaged. DH comes to the decision that indeed having children together is something he wants, but needs more time. I want to define it- to set a month or year in which we will start having kids. Stresses out DH and we go in circles on this topic.

2005 Summer- Wedding. I have a near panic attack the night before the wedding second guessing myself. I start to breathe again at the wedding, and enjoy every day thereafter. Still have a few tough conversations about when to have kids- I agree with the "not right away" mentality, but I push to define what that means. Having had infertility in my family, I want to be assured that all is well with us. DH says "we will know when the time is right to start trying."

2005 December- DH diagnosed with cancer. We embrace each other and hold for our lives for the roller coaster ahead. Surviving becomes top of the agenda in our household.

2006 DH finishes treatment, good prognosis. He returns to work, I start grad school far away. We commute on weekends and breaks.

2007 Spring I finish school and am back at home. Ahhh! Heaven. I want to agree on a TTC start date. DH still wants to go with the flow. I (mostly) agree to take a deep breath after everything we had been through in less than 2 years of marriage.

2007 December I get a job, routine has resumed. DH, for a change, suggests it might be time. I grin from ear to ear and we both agree that it just feels like the right time. Plan to pull the goalie in January.

2008 January- I somewhat track my cycle. We give the timing our best effort. In hindsight I realize we missed our window. AF comes. We look forward to trying again.

2008 February- We track, I know timing is right this cycle. 12 dpo I POAS (not knowing any of those abbreviations back then). Positive. Holy crap. Text message my friend immediately. Call DH 5 minutes before he has a big presentation to give. I can feel him grinning through the phone. More sticks are peed on.

2008 March- Miscarriage (no details necessary, the story has already been written here in this blog)

2008 Rest of the year- grieving, but still TTC again. Trust that it won't happen again. Tell my self there is not way I could every live through that again.

2009 February- POAS- positive. I actually can't remember the details. We were probably tracking, I don't remember calling DH to tell him. I don't remember much. (Interesting- I never realized how much of this I have forgotten)

2009 March- Miscarriage (nothing more to say)

2009 Rest of the year- grieving, doctors, wondering how I just lived through that again.

And now- 2010 January. It has been 10 years exactly since DH came into my life. And I cherish every day. It has been two years exactly since we started TTC. Two years. Two miscarriage. And I still hope.

Oh, 2010, what will you bring. I pray I can live through whatever it is you bring. Let there be more light and less darkness this year.