Giddy

Absolutely giddy. What's up with that? Giddiness is NOT an emotion I have ever felt following an IUI.

My apologies for advance if any of this sounds cheezy or sappy- well, cuz it probably will be. But I figure I spend most of my time apologizing with the cuzz words and anger fly when I am in the valleys, so I might was well spout off about the high points too.

DH collected his sample at home and drove it to the clinic. As soon as he collected his spirit just sunk. He was so worried he hadn't "performed" well enough, as he provides a sample for the 4th time. Oh, how I hate that part of this journey-- that even my husband feels like he is not measuring up.

Anyways- I arrived two hours later, full bladder. The office was relaxed, the nurse and doctor were great. There was no wait, a tiny challenge getting the speculum into position, but it just all went well. As the doctor left, she patted my leg and said that I was her last patient of 2009! Woo hoo! Maybe that will count for something in the luck department.

I am certain my upbeat mood has little to do with the logistics of today and probably moreso, my mood made today seem like it all went well. I just was grateful for it being easy for a change.

DH's count: His post-wash count of his swimmers was 2.5. Far less than they like to see (At least 5, but in an ideal world 10) but about a million more than last time in October (1.6). And only slightly less than the September count (3.1.) (Funny, I was devastated when we learned about his 3.1 count in September, but now having a history with this, I rejoiced to be back up to 2.5. Oh the ironies). So all in all, I was pleased. I just keep telling myself, we are doing everything that is within our control. So much isn't in our control, but there is nothing I can do about that.

Hope is an energizing thing. I want to not be afraid to hope anymore. I want to not have to protect myself that somehow if I hope, I will be experience deeper despair. Because I really do want to hope...