AF has come today. Right on schedule.
Thankfully I am not devastated, as I feared I might be, and even more important I don't feel like an idiot for the hope I had just two days ago when I sort of believed that maybe I was pregnant. I even POAS this morning. And then AF came.
In a way, I am excited to be finally at "THE" cycle. The one in which I can start doing something. The one in which I will get my blood work done (i forget which day? cd3?). I will start clomid in just a few more days. I will have IUI#1. This next two weeks will go by so fast to be DOING SOMETHING.
I find myself counting to 40 weeks over and over. Daring to hope and dream just a bit. Argh, I hope I am not shattered to pieces again. I am not remotely prepared for what happens if the IUI doesn't work. I can handle one failing, maybe two, but I don't know about after that. I also can't fathom it working and then miscarrying again. In some way, I just trust that the IUI will solve our miscarriage problem. But who knows! It could be so many reasons. I just pray that I will be at peace with it all and that I will know when it is time to call it quits and that I'll be okay with it.