Monday, September 14, 2009

Again; CD1

AF has come today. Right on schedule.

Thankfully I am not devastated, as I feared I might be, and even more important I don't feel like an idiot for the hope I had just two days ago when I sort of believed that maybe I was pregnant. I even POAS this morning. And then AF came.

In a way, I am excited to be finally at "THE" cycle. The one in which I can start doing something. The one in which I will get my blood work done (i forget which day? cd3?). I will start clomid in just a few more days. I will have IUI#1. This next two weeks will go by so fast to be DOING SOMETHING.

I find myself counting to 40 weeks over and over. Daring to hope and dream just a bit. Argh, I hope I am not shattered to pieces again. I am not remotely prepared for what happens if the IUI doesn't work. I can handle one failing, maybe two, but I don't know about after that. I also can't fathom it working and then miscarrying again. In some way, I just trust that the IUI will solve our miscarriage problem. But who knows! It could be so many reasons. I just pray that I will be at peace with it all and that I will know when it is time to call it quits and that I'll be okay with it.

1 comment:

  1. I will be praying this IUI works for you!!

    This feeling of waiting once again to see if there is life growing inside of me is almost unbearable. It gets worse with each pregnancy. I don't know if I could handle a fourth time.

    These should be happy, exciting moments for us. Instead they are filled with anxiety and desperation. But, there is enough hope to keep going forward and trying.