Saturday, October 15, 2011

Wishing I could stay pregnant forever

I never thought I'd say that. Ever.

This pregnancy hasn't been easy. And as an IFer, it is really hard to admit that I haven't loved every minute of being pregnant. I have blogged some about how yucky I have felt, but I truly haven't let it all fly here. Good old infertility guilt has filtered how much I write.

But the truth is that for most of this pregnancy I have truly wondered if I would ever want to choose to do this again. Cuz it has been tough. really tough.

But being that honest makes me feel ungrateful. And it makes me feel like somehow it takes away from the beauty of the awe filled moments- the kicks with DH's hand on my belly late at night, the hiccups while I am in staff meeting that only I am aware of. All of that is beyond just hasn't been easy. I've just felt putrid sick for most of the time.

But lately? The last week and half? Get this- I have felt really really good. Who in the world finally starts to feel good at 37 weeks? But that's been the case for me. and I am so grateful. I truly feel like I am experiencing what I hear when women say how much they loved being pregnant. I couldn't fathom what they were talking about- now I know.

My body feels good, I'm sleeping fairly well, blood pressure still perfect, food agrees with me. I have sufficient energy. Love feeling baby in me. I love my belly and my body and feel more comfortable in my own skin than I have during this pregnancy.

Go figure.

It even crossed my mind that I wouldn't mind feeling this way forever. It seems so ironic that just as I am supposed to be at my most uncomfortable, nearing my due date, instead I finally feel good.

No complaints- taking it a day at a time, and grateful for all of it.

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