Thursday, October 27, 2011

Commence maternity leave

As of 2:30pm today, I was out the door of my office and my maternity leave official has begun.  My head is spinning.

I have done some intense barganing with baby to at least stay put for 24 hours.  I so look forward to having a full day to do nothing.  Rather, a full day to do what I want to do and not be worried about work.

I'll also admit that I feel a flood of emotions about being done with my job ("done" meaning temporarily done-  I still may go back, I still may quit-  jury is still out though).  Well to be honest, I have had a flood of emotions about my job in general this pregnancy.  That was something I definitely didn't expect-  I loathed my job so intensely in the first part of my pregnancy.  Then there was a time period where it was fine, I could tolerate it-  didn't love it but didn't hate it.  And then this last trimester has been a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts-  I am sure mostly tied to me re-navigating my identity and what my career does or doesn't have to do with my identity. (Not to mention a big shake up in our office that has been insane). But bottom line-  my emotions have been all over the map when it comes to my career, this job, my dreams and thoughts for the future.  All over the map.  And I wasn't expecting that.  I truly thought if I were to get pregnant I would easily walk away from this job.  As it never was meant to be a long term gig..

I need a bit of time emotionally to decompress and step into this world of maternity leave.  Hoping the baby gives me a little time.  I will be taking 4 months off for maternity leave and I really feel like I am poised to be able to have clear boundaries with my office so that I don't get sucked in to doing work or answering umpteen questions while I am on leave. 

I am so so so treasuring this next window of time.  And I know that it is time I will never get back.

It is getting more and more real


  1. Wow! You're so close! I'm a teacher and was due in July, so I didn't experience what you're going through with work. I can only imagine the emotions and that it's finally feeling real!

    Keeping you and that little one in my thoughts!

  2. It must be exciting and sad at the same time. I am anxious to see how the next couple weeks go!