As of 2:30pm today, I was out the door of my office and my maternity leave official has begun. My head is spinning.
I have done some intense barganing with baby to at least stay put for 24 hours. I so look forward to having a full day to do nothing. Rather, a full day to do what I want to do and not be worried about work.
I'll also admit that I feel a flood of emotions about being done with my job ("done" meaning temporarily done- I still may go back, I still may quit- jury is still out though). Well to be honest, I have had a flood of emotions about my job in general this pregnancy. That was something I definitely didn't expect- I loathed my job so intensely in the first part of my pregnancy. Then there was a time period where it was fine, I could tolerate it- didn't love it but didn't hate it. And then this last trimester has been a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts- I am sure mostly tied to me re-navigating my identity and what my career does or doesn't have to do with my identity. (Not to mention a big shake up in our office that has been insane). But bottom line- my emotions have been all over the map when it comes to my career, this job, my dreams and thoughts for the future. All over the map. And I wasn't expecting that. I truly thought if I were to get pregnant I would easily walk away from this job. As it never was meant to be a long term gig..
I need a bit of time emotionally to decompress and step into this world of maternity leave. Hoping the baby gives me a little time. I will be taking 4 months off for maternity leave and I really feel like I am poised to be able to have clear boundaries with my office so that I don't get sucked in to doing work or answering umpteen questions while I am on leave.
I am so so so treasuring this next window of time. And I know that it is time I will never get back.
It is getting more and more real