Tuesday, October 6, 2009


"What is faith? Faith is being grasped by the power of love. Faith is recognizing that what makes God is infinite mercy, not infinite control; not power, but love unending. Faith is recognizing that if at Christmas Jesus became like us, it was o that we might become more like him. We know what that means: watching Jesus heal the sick, empower the poor, and scorn the powerful, we see transparently the power of God at work. Watching Zacchaeus climb the tree a crook and come down a saint, watching Paul set out a hatchet man for the Pharisees and return a fool for Christ, we know that our lives too can become channels for divine mercy to flow out to save the lost and the suffering."

-Will.iam Sl.oane Co.ffin
My default state, if I am honest, is to ask "why me?" I find myself grieving because I don't want this journey that I am on. I want it MY way. The way I had planned it.

This reading above was used as part of our church service recently and it so spoke to me. So often I am looking for the ways in which God is in control, or for things to be fixed, or made right. And in fixating on that, I miss the ways in which I am "grasped by the power of love" in the process. I had a conversation today in an unexpected place, with a unexpected friend about infertility. And I was overcome with peace in the midst of that conversation. Unexpected peace. And I was reminded the ways in which we and others around us become "channels of divine mercy" that flows out around us... so often in the unexpected.

And I keep fighting to find and stay in this center...


  1. ((Hugs)) I know how hard this is. We have to fight for what we want most sometimes, unfortunately. It is unfair that parenthood does not come easily to some people. Just think of the pure happiness and joy that you will be able to give your child when this nightmare is over. He/she will know your love through all the hardships you have gone through for him/her and the fight you fought.

    Does that make sense?

  2. Thank you for sharing that. It is definitely a truth to hold on to. I think one of the hard things about this struggle with infertility is the total lack of control that we have. It is easy, perhaps, to focus on God's control rather than His mercy and love for us. How much better it would be if I could trust Him only for that, and know that He is handling this and all aspects of my life with the utmost love and care!