And their off

Hubby is transporting the, ahem, sample to the lab as we speak. This is round three of collecting a sample- the first time was for the semen analysis last spring. It didn't go so well. I got a call from a dejected DH from the collection room at the clinic- "This isn't going to work." Several canceled and missed appointments later we finally got it done by collecting at home- but it stressful. Round two was for our IUI#1 last month. Decided to collect at the lab, but this time I would be there to "help." Again- stressful. Didn't go so well, but we got it done (Tell me, why or why would a semen collection room have a loud ticking clock in it? Tick, Tick, Tick...um, serious?). We tied up the collection room for over an hour. Um, yea, not good. I think the lab hates us by now. For round three, there was no question- we would collect at home and I would "help". And, it was (thankfully!!!) easy- and actually even somewhat enjoyable today. I started out cranky though- I felt like a 6 year old who wanted to stomp their feet and say "I don't wanna." As were were getting started I admitted to DH that I was in a funk and not very present at the moment. I told him I feeling some resentment that this is the way we have to do things. He cupped my face in his hands , and reminded me that, collection cup or no collection cup, this is just another form of us trying to create life together. And any attempt at us creating life is a form of intimacy. Even if it doesn't look how we want it to. And with that reminder, I let go and was able to just be present with him this morning. (Have I mentioned that I love that man!?)

I am grateful that this cycle has not been emotionally taxing. The first IUI cycle was tough- and I remember having moments when I thought that I was done and couldn't do this anymore. Having had a cycle like this one, now I feel like I have the stamina to stick with this for a while longer. (Remind me of that when the hormones kick in the week before AF comes!) I am grateful that it just so happened our IUI is on a Saturday and we could sleep in, take our time, and not be rushed by work schedules. I am grateful that for at least right now. I have hope that this is going to have a happy ending some day. and I am grateful that for at least right now I am patient for whenever some day comes.

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CD13 u/s showed 5 ripe follicles on my right. None on my left. Last cycle I had 2 on my right and 1 on my left. I freaked out a bit when I saw 5, but my doctor said they don't worry at all about that being too many on a clomid cycle. I am perplexed about my underachieving left ovary. A previous u/s showed my left ovary to be much smaller and my doctor thinks probably adhered to the back of my uterus. It is hard to get a clear shot of it on u/s. Now, it hasn't stepped up to the plate like my right one. So I am a bit worried. I guess, I just need one that works, but..it makes you wonder if this is yet another part of our difficulty TTC.

My HCG shot this time was less then half of what I paid this time. Turns out my doctor forgot to check the box stating that generic was okay. So I got the brand name last time. This time i was able to get the generic. Grateful for that extra savings but bummed I didn't know about this option the first time.

Last IUI, DHs post wash counts were low - 3 million. The lab doctor had told me at the time of the IUI that they like to see 10 million. (We were devastated). I have since learned that this is what they like to see for donor samples in an ideal world type of thing. My doc clarified that 3 million is still normal and they don't get really worried until under 1 million. And even 5 mil they are happy with. So, all in all- last cycle wasn't as bad as I feared.

I have a theory (and we will see how it plays out) that maybe, just maybe having a FAR LESS STRESSFUL collection at home this time might prove to give us a better outcome with these counts post wash. I have no idea if this is scientific, but logically I think its a sound theory. We will see...

IUI is in 45 minutes.

POAS in 14 days.

And so it goes....