first off- thanks so much for the comments on my last post. It helps so much to not feel so alone on this journey.
i'm a little cranky today. i don't feel great- maybe allergies, maybe clomid and such, maybe i am just tired.
i wasn't expecting to have the iui take so much out of me that day- emotionally but also the cramping was constant for the next 24 hours. it wasn't a cramping i was used to- not really AF cramps, not really miscarriage cramps, different. I am cramping all day today- but if feels like AF cramps. Even though I am only 3 days past iui. Sounds like from what google tells me this is normal.
most of the time, these past several days, i just don't care about any of this. i don't believe this will work, thus i just don't care. Defense mechanism I know. i think I am also realizing "what the heck did we just do? we are trying to get pregnant?!!!!" having had two consecutive miscarriages, the idea of intentionally trying to get pregnant seems plain ol' absurd if I really think about it. I don't know if I am prepared for the first 7-12 week wait again.
anyways. feeling a bit blue. wishing our path in life looked different than it does. Praying and trying to trust that in the end, the darkness will be transformed into something more beautiful than I can imagine. ..hard to imagine at this point what that could be.