Tuesday, December 8, 2009


If this cycle is a BFN (I know, so much for optimism when I am already thinking BFN), but if it is, I have 4 more cycles to have a child born in 2010. Anything beyond 2010 and it marks one more year, added to the list of years we have been TTC. And it is also 4 more cycles of TTC before we will have reached that magic 1 yr benchmark and labeled infertile. Technically I think we already bear that label with two miscarriages, but we have yet to go more then 12 months without getting pregnant. First pregnancy came on second month of trying (oh, how I look back on that on shake my head- it seemed so easy). Second pregnancy came after 7-8 months of trying (but I can't say we were trying very hard for that whole time i don't think.) Now, trying for pregnancy number three, we are on cycle 8 I think.

POAS in about 6 more days for this cycle....

and then...

4 more tries....

I know it is twisted to even count like this. But this countdown keeps coming to me as our reality. In part it feels like a goal to achieve- "okay, (pat pat on shoulder pads" just 4 more tries. we can do this." In part I think this helps give me a timeframe of when I need to make the next decision. More on to adoption? IVF? Do Nothing? Keep trying the same? I am giving myself 4 more cycles until I need to deal with any of those questions.


  1. i like your idea about setting a timeline. i too am contemplating what my next step is, although if i set up a 2 month timeline and nothing happens i those 2 months, i'll feel like i've wasted 2 months when I could've started treatment w/a specialist 2 months earlier. ahhh~ i guess we could just never win. there is no win win situation in this battle!

    we'll all be right there with/for you these next 4 cycles so hang in there!

  2. I hope it happens very, very soon for you. I know how frustrating this is.

    My cycles were crazy too. My first pregnancy, I got pregnant on my 6th cycle. My second I got pregnant on my 9th cycle and this time on my 2nd cycle. Crazy.

  3. Try to go easy on yourself and not put too many demands on yourself. For me, every time I set timelines for myself I seem to only cause myself more pain, so I am taking a break from things and not putting any demands on myself. I'm still tracking my OV cycle, but am working toward relaxing and trying to lower my stress level...easier said than done, I know.

    Hang in there and be good to yourself and know that we are rallying you along.

  4. I like plans and timelines especially with TTC. It made me feel as though I was in control of something. I really hope it happens VERY soon for you! Rooting for you.