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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Beta Day

I took a break from pee sticks yesterday. I needed to clear my head and not think about it for a day. I needed to lessen my chance of another less than certain answer.

Today is Beta day. I go in to check my HCG levels early this morning, 10dp5dt. But I needed to prepare myself a little bit, to cushion the nurse's phone call later today. I wanted to know something, anything, in the privacy of my own home.

So I peed on a stick again this morning.

It was 4:30am. I couldn't sleep.

There was no tilting, squinting, bright lights needed today.


It was most definitely NOT Negative.


Fine Print: My head is racing and oddly calm all at the same time. I am grateful but also scared out of my mind. I am optimistic but also already planning for the worst. I am absolutely in love with this bundle of cells but also completely emotionally unattached.

I guess this is how it goes in the world of multiple miscarriages and three years of unfulfilled hopes. So for today, cautious celebration is much as I can muster as we wait out this very long next several days, weeks. Cautious Celebration. Definite answers as to how this story will unfold will only come over a very long time. This much I have learned.
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14 comments:

  1. ErinFebruary 23, 2011 at 5:41 AM

    Hoping the best for you!

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  2. elephantscanrememberFebruary 23, 2011 at 5:54 AM

    I hope with all hope it's a great beta!

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  3. paulaFebruary 23, 2011 at 6:18 AM

    wishing you all the best. sending some love your way. :)

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  4. AndreaFebruary 23, 2011 at 6:41 AM

    Sending hugs and love, as the waiting is never easy. And many prayers for a confirmed BFP.

    xxx

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  5. AnonymousFebruary 23, 2011 at 6:58 AM

    Sounds good so far, I'm hopeful for you!

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  6. SerenityFebruary 23, 2011 at 7:09 AM

    Not negative is VERY good.

    Looking forward to hearing the beta results.

    xoxo

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  7. AnonymousFebruary 23, 2011 at 7:32 AM

    I'm just a lurker, but had to tell his very excited I am for you! I felt the same way trying emotionally attach to a pregnancy after a miscarriage due to partial molar. That second pregnancy is now a five month old ball of joy. Don't beat yourself up, it will happen!

    Jen

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  8. SunnyFebruary 23, 2011 at 8:04 AM

    SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Jumping up and down and hoping for a very sticky bean.

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  9. JenFebruary 23, 2011 at 8:43 AM

    Woohoo!!!!!!! Wishing you the best at your beta today. Big numbers, big numbers, big numbers!

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  10. unaffectedFebruary 23, 2011 at 9:04 AM

    Can't wait to hear how the beta goes! I just know it will be wonderful news! :)

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  11. Adam and JuliaFebruary 23, 2011 at 10:10 AM

    Yeah!!!! I can't wait to hear about the beta. I remember when I got my positive with the twins it was at 4:30 in the morning too..lol. I woke my husband up and he thought there was a burglar because I was so excited. I am guessing 135. Post soon so we will know!!! Keep up the good work momma.

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  12. AnonymousFebruary 23, 2011 at 2:45 PM

    EEEEEKKKK!!!!!

    Okay, post those numbers.

    -Katie (signed in under my work account) @Takingthestatisticalbullet.blogspot.com

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  13. DrevasFebruary 23, 2011 at 2:47 PM

    Yay! Looking forward to your update! Hope your beta number is fantastic!!

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  14. RochelleFebruary 23, 2011 at 4:15 PM

    Holy freaking crap!!!!!! That's the best news I've heard in a very long time!

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