Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Beta Day

I took a break from pee sticks yesterday. I needed to clear my head and not think about it for a day. I needed to lessen my chance of another less than certain answer.

Today is Beta day. I go in to check my HCG levels early this morning, 10dp5dt. But I needed to prepare myself a little bit, to cushion the nurse's phone call later today. I wanted to know something, anything, in the privacy of my own home.

So I peed on a stick again this morning.

It was 4:30am. I couldn't sleep.

There was no tilting, squinting, bright lights needed today.

It was most definitely NOT Negative.

Fine Print: My head is racing and oddly calm all at the same time. I am grateful but also scared out of my mind. I am optimistic but also already planning for the worst. I am absolutely in love with this bundle of cells but also completely emotionally unattached.

I guess this is how it goes in the world of multiple miscarriages and three years of unfulfilled hopes. So for today, cautious celebration is much as I can muster as we wait out this very long next several days, weeks. Cautious Celebration. Definite answers as to how this story will unfold will only come over a very long time. This much I have learned.


  1. wishing you all the best. sending some love your way. :)

  2. Sending hugs and love, as the waiting is never easy. And many prayers for a confirmed BFP.


  3. Sounds good so far, I'm hopeful for you!

  4. Not negative is VERY good.

    Looking forward to hearing the beta results.


  5. I'm just a lurker, but had to tell his very excited I am for you! I felt the same way trying emotionally attach to a pregnancy after a miscarriage due to partial molar. That second pregnancy is now a five month old ball of joy. Don't beat yourself up, it will happen!


  6. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Jumping up and down and hoping for a very sticky bean.

  7. Woohoo!!!!!!! Wishing you the best at your beta today. Big numbers, big numbers, big numbers!

  8. Can't wait to hear how the beta goes! I just know it will be wonderful news! :)

  9. Yeah!!!! I can't wait to hear about the beta. I remember when I got my positive with the twins it was at 4:30 in the morning I woke my husband up and he thought there was a burglar because I was so excited. I am guessing 135. Post soon so we will know!!! Keep up the good work momma.

  10. EEEEEKKKK!!!!!

    Okay, post those numbers.

    -Katie (signed in under my work account)

  11. Yay! Looking forward to your update! Hope your beta number is fantastic!!

  12. Holy freaking crap!!!!!! That's the best news I've heard in a very long time!