I POAS early this morning- today is 8dp5dt. And I don't even know what to report. It wasn't negative. I can say that much. I know the stark whiteness of a BFN. It wasn't negative.
But I can't say it was positive either. There needs to be a category for somewhere in between. Instead of BFN and BFP, we need to add BFM- Big Fat Maybe. Or BFW- Big Fat Who-the-Heck-Knows. Or BFH- Big Fat Hallucination.
A very very very faint line did appear- but it definitely took its time in appearing. Seriously, it is just a joke of a faint line. And I had to look at it 10 different times to make sure I wasn't imagining it. Nothing about it is reassuring. Nothing.
This can't be a good sign for it to be this faint at this many days past transfer. My guess is chemical pregnancy. I had a little crying fit this morning and now I am just numb. It is a reminder that this is just how this journey goes- you never really know anything. Answers only come over time.
So I wait- wait to see what the bloodwork shows on Wednesday. I know that HCG is doubling fast at this point, I know it could have just been a late implanter, I know it is still a bit early, I know that a positive HPT is a positive. I know all of that. But still. Grr....
We'll see what Wednesday tell us. And if there is any HCG in my blood by then, then I wait again to see if it doubles. And then more waiting.
At the moment I am doing okay. I am starting to set goals in case this is negative- goals to get back in the gym, goals to get my taxes done, things that can keep my mind occupied until our next cycle. And that is bringing me some comfort. And I guess I have to admit that a BFM(aybe) is still better than a BFN at this point. But...grrr... it is cause for pulling hair out. I thought if I waited until today I would be in the safe zone of getting a more confident test result from an HPT.