(*First, I just want to speak from the heart and say to any readers who find it hard to read any of my recent posts (or posts to come) that may contain the "p" word, or posts in which I am ecstatic with good news, know that I never ever intend to be hurtful or insensitive to other readers who may not be in a good place right now. I said it in this post and I'll say it again "My heart feels like it is pushed to the max at the depth and breadth of loss and joy that exists simultaneously in this community. It is rarely anything in between. The losses of life, of innocence, and of hope are brutal. And the joys- of new life and of hope anew are beyond our wildest dreams." And I am very aware of that tension with every post I write. I hope that in being real in my writing I don't unintentionally cause hurt to others. And I totally get if you ever need to step away. Truly.)
Waiting for the nurse to call today almost KILLED me. My blood work was at 745am this morning. And on Wednesday, I had my bw at the same time and the nurse called at 12:30pm. So I had it in my head she would call in a similar timeframe. But NO, she didn't call until 3pm. I was so completely unproductive at work. I had convinced myself that the news was bad or something freaky happened and she was having to wait on the doctor to find out what to do with me. I envisioned SO many crazy things in that several fretful hours of waiting. I really wanted to call and bug her, but the side of me that insists on being the "good" patient, the "low-maintenance" patient won out and I refrained (this time) from calling.
And, oh, it was worth the wait.
Doubling time of 41 hours (if I used the online calculator correctly). Up from 162 on Wednesday (yes, this time I remembered to write it down when she called, but I still had to ask three times because I was barely keeping my head on straight.
Oh my! Oh my! Oh my!
And I feel hopeful, people. HOPEFUL! I didn't think it was possible to hope again. But somewhere, somehow it has crept in, and for today I am hopeful, calm, and feeling like I have what it takes to make it through this next very long wait until the u/s.
Oh, I hope so.