Monday, February 21, 2011

When an answer isn't an answer- 8dp5dt

I POAS early this morning- today is 8dp5dt. And I don't even know what to report. It wasn't negative. I can say that much. I know the stark whiteness of a BFN. It wasn't negative.

But I can't say it was positive either. There needs to be a category for somewhere in between. Instead of BFN and BFP, we need to add BFM- Big Fat Maybe. Or BFW- Big Fat Who-the-Heck-Knows. Or BFH- Big Fat Hallucination.

A very very very faint line did appear- but it definitely took its time in appearing. Seriously, it is just a joke of a faint line. And I had to look at it 10 different times to make sure I wasn't imagining it. Nothing about it is reassuring. Nothing.

This can't be a good sign for it to be this faint at this many days past transfer. My guess is chemical pregnancy. I had a little crying fit this morning and now I am just numb. It is a reminder that this is just how this journey goes- you never really know anything. Answers only come over time.

So I wait- wait to see what the bloodwork shows on Wednesday. I know that HCG is doubling fast at this point, I know it could have just been a late implanter, I know it is still a bit early, I know that a positive HPT is a positive. I know all of that. But still. Grr....

We'll see what Wednesday tell us. And if there is any HCG in my blood by then, then I wait again to see if it doubles. And then more waiting.

At the moment I am doing okay. I am starting to set goals in case this is negative- goals to get back in the gym, goals to get my taxes done, things that can keep my mind occupied until our next cycle. And that is bringing me some comfort. And I guess I have to admit that a BFM(aybe) is still better than a BFN at this point. But...grrr... it is cause for pulling hair out. I thought if I waited until today I would be in the safe zone of getting a more confident test result from an HPT.

Grrr..

18 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you posted -- I've been dying for an update! I am so sorry it wasn't really an answer for you. Of course I'll say "But it's still early, a faint line is the first good sign! My first pee stick with the twins was a ridiculously faint line too so I called my husband home from work to look at it!" although I know that's not much comfort. Here's hoping for a nice deep, dark, undeniable line to celebrate tomorrow!!

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  2. I so want there to be a line that gives you the reassurance that you need and deserve. I feel badly that I'm excited so I'll just say that I hope that tomorrow brings exactly what you're looking for!!!

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  3. I am praying that the BFM becomes a BFP. All of those things you said about it being a late implanter....Yes! All of those things! I've heard of so many people not getting positives until later. So I like a a BFM at this point.

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  4. I remember this time of uncertainty and I know it's the most awful, awful thing. I am thinking of you and praying for you.

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  5. In my last frozen cycle, I got the same result you did. It was a positive. VERY faint, but positive.

    I was convinced when my nurse called me with my beta results that she was going to tell me it was too low, it was a chemical. Instead she told me that it was a good solid positive.

    (And yes, the pregnancy did go tits up, but not because it was a chemical pregnancy. My levels doubled appropriately, etc.)

    A not negative means you're pregnant. Only multiple beta draws plus an ultrasound with a beating heart will tell you whether the pregnancy is viable.

    That, my friend, is why pee sticks are evil.

    Keep the hope. A not-negative is better than a negative.

    And I've got my fingers crossed for you. Tightly.

    xoxo

    It's still early. But yes, if you're getting positive pee sticks? I'd say you're pregnant.

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  6. New follower from Katie's blog (Taking the Statistical Bullet). I am eager to follow your journey and praying that your BFM is in fact a BFP!!!

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  7. Nudged over here by Katie. Sending you sunny thoughts at the start of springtime. Praying really hard that that line continues to darken & that hCG goes up for Wed!

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  8. My vote: If it's not negative; it's positive...

    I completely understand how scary this must be, and after all this time it can be hard to hold on to hope. So I'll do it for you...

    Hugs.

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  9. a line is a line. i bet it gets darker tomorrow.

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  10. I've got my fingers crossed for you. I hope tomorrow shows you a better line.

    And if it helps, my lines always kind of stayed the same, it doesn't always make a difference with how dark the line is. That can be variations in the test. But a line is a LINE.

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  11. I've read so many blogs of people getting a faint line, and then everyday it keeps getting darker. A line Is still a line!!!! :):) Hoping for the best!!! xoxo

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  12. True... a line is a line :)) Fingers crossed for you - the uncertainty of this whole thing drives me crazy sometimes. I've looked at a pee stick for so long sometimes trying to work out whether it's positive or negative that I've gone cross-eyed too !! xoxo

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  13. I hope I hope I hope!!!! Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings! You better test again!!

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  14. I still have my fingers crossed for you!

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  15. OH my gosh, I hope it gets darker!!!!!

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  16. Toes and fingers crossed for you!!!

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  17. At this point don't start to dispair. This could most definitely be the real thing. With Jillian I got the faintest of faint lines at 14dpo after getting negatives before that. My beta taken the same day was over 200. You never know...

    I've got everything crossed that this is really IT for you!!!

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  18. I am feeling so hopeful for you! I am praying for a clear BFP!

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