I work up feeling better today. Physically and emotionally. I am SO grateful to be feeling better.
And with feeling better came some clarity around my feelings about my job. I've came to a final decision and made up my mind that I am not going to go back to my current job full-time after the kid comes. I spent some time playing with Excel spread sheets today and yesterday, (which is wonderfully therapeutic for me). And I looked at the calendar, and I weighed options. And I have complete certainity that I do not want to go back to my current job full-time. It isn't good for me or us. And I know we can do without my full-time salary at least for the short-term.
So the ball will be in my boss's court when I tell her (sometime this summer probably is when I'll tell her). And IF she proposes part-time work as an alternative, then I will have to make that decision. That is a tougher decision, but I am leaning towards turning that down as well, but we will see. My hope is this: I have my heart set on having the summer off with DH the first summer we have the kid. (His teaching schedule allows him 3 months off in the summer). And I just really love the idea of slowing down and neither one of us working for just one summer. The kid will be around 8-10 months old. And I want to visit the grandparents for an extended amount of time. Spend time with the cousins. Go on picnics (Okay, we've never gone on a picnic before, but you know what I mean). I'll have to work again eventually, and maybe it is pie in the sky to even hope for this. But we will see.
I just has been such a whirlwind in life...lately, and for a really long time. From the time we have gotten married there just has been so many chaos inducing times in our life, again and again. I know that having this kid will turn our life upside down again (in a good way, but also chaos inducing in its own way). And I just want to slow down as much of the chaos as I can.
This is what I am aiming for. One summer of being free from our jobs and together. Dh, me, and the kid.