During this IF journey, I remember when we were contemplating IVF, but not yet ready. I remember feeling grief. Grief that our baby wouldn't be conceived during a spontaneous (or even planned for that matter), romantic evening of my husband and I making love. I felt like we were being jipped that it involved medical professionals, stirrups, petrie dishes, and lots of expensive drugs. And to be honest there were even times that I felt angry about it- why couldn't we be like all the other couples out there.
Granted, if I could write our story, I'd probably not opt to do it this way. But I have to say that so far, I am not experiencing the grief or anger I thought I would. DH and daily find our selves in awe of what science can do--- and grateful we have the option to have science help us. The daily injections have in their own way brought DH and I even closer, and I feel like he is fully apart of making this baby with me. (Corny, I know) And even though our brand of babymaking involves watching videos on Foll.istim injections, bloodwork, ultrasounds, and an anesthesiologist, I am actually in awe of the kind of miracle that we are working for. I don't feel like it is any less amazing then the surprise pregnancy I had hope for. In actuality, given we know the cards are stacked against us with endo, sperm issues, and RPL, I think I am even more in awe that in the end we could still actually have a baby.
So yes, it is most definitely a different kind of romance and intimacy, but so far I don't feel the grief that I thought would feel in taking this path.
Endo pain started getting slowing, but progressively better yesterday and this morning it is SO MUCH BETTER. I can still feel my grapefruit size endometrioma bumpin' around in there- but I feel back among the living.
Also did our three injections last night. Wasn't too bad at all. BUT- we got carried away cleaning the garage and lost track of time. We were supposed to do them nightly between 7-9pm, and didn't do it until 1040pm. AAAHH!! Talk about stressed out. I hope that isn't that big of deal. Ugg.