Ugg.

I've been doing a pretty good job of taking it a day at a time.  I've, for the most part, stopped counting and recounting the days on the calendar.  And I am amazed a bit by how quickly things have gone so far.  One month ago I was impatiently waiting for AF to arrive and get the show on the road and I thought if felt like it was taking an eternity (heck, I even felt that last week).  Three weeks ago BCP started, and last night was the last night of only lupron.  Tonight stimming begins.  We could be doing the retrieval in just a week and a half from now.

The last 24 hours have been rough though. Given I had a light period, I had hoped I'd avoid the usual excruciating endo pain.  But that wasn't the case.   And oh it bad.  It still amazes me that the body can hurt that bad and that it doesn't mean I'm not dying.  It just seems so wrong. It has eased up a bit today, but I don't forsee leaving the couch anytime soon.

One of the reasons we jumped into IVF sooner than we had planned, is becuase of the endo diagnosis and the pain. Getting pregnant should give me a break for the pain for a while, as would having surgery. But given getting pregnant is our end goal, we decided to make that the priority as surgery would only delay things. But every cycle I don't get pregnant I am going to go through this. And to be honest, I am not sure how many more times I can handle this pain.

So my anxiety is up today as I am realizing the stakes are feeling a bit higher on this cycle. And I am realizing how physcially and emotionally tough an IVF cycle is. I will just continue to pray that I have the strength to do this one day at a time. And not get too caught up in worrying about whether I have it in me to deal with another endo pain epdisode AND going through another fresh cycle all over again.

Ugg.

Wish me luck on three different pokes to the belly tonight.  If I was a pharmacist, I think I'd invent a way to inject all the meds combined in one syringe at one time.